JEALOUSY, THE GROWING ULCER WITHIN - CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

ENVY , THE FOUNTAIN HEAD OF MISERY ,  JEALOUSY THE DRAGON WHICH SLAYS ITS PREY BUT ALSO TORMENTS AND TEARS UP ITS OWN RAGING HEART- CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

In this post I will reveal a few of my secrets.  

I will reveal how I put ulcers within few people who deserved nothing better— this goes beyond getting under somebody’s skin.   

It takes a bit of intelligence to do this, and everybody cannot do this.

Often my critics and my well wishers ask me why I self inflict and deliberately keep the Sword of Damocles dangling all the time over me .  

Throughout my professional career I did that.  It was apparent to all, and they could never get over this.

I never bothered to explain.  I just tell them – it is mE style.

When it came to myself , here is the secret--

Insecurity or the sword of Damocles is the chief propulsive power in this world.   A maverick, like “yours truly” needed a quickened pulse caused by an adrenaline rush , to perform.

I had always treated this as an ally . It gave me a kick to convert fear into excitement, flight to fight.

When my shore bosses  gunned for me it gave me a chance to prove myself,  by doing things my way, by getting out of the beaten track .  It was the only way, as the lack of grey matter at sea is mind boggling.

Only people who have sailed with me know what I mean, rest will wonder WTF?

Punch into Google search BLUE OCEAN LEADERSHIP VADAKAYIL.

I have explained my type of leadership , tried and tested for 30 years as a leader of multi-national men.

This was about myself.  Now let me explain about others.

Often people who know me professionally have wondered about the type of official communication, I had with my bosses .  

My ship was an oasis of efficiency , peace and harmony.   My officers and crew will vouch that we had a ball,  like a huge happy family.  We worked hard and played hard.  

Yet I wore the pants, and walked around with an iron fist in a velvet glove. There was never a Lok Sabha or a Rajya Sabha on my ship.   Yet, I brainstormed frequently and got valuable feedback.

My shore bosses never dared to tell me from ashore " CAPTAIN HARD-A-PORT! " . They did this to other Captains , never me.

My shore bosses whom I liked , because they were clean hearted , I spared .  The rest of the black hearted knaves , I converted into their own worst enemies, for they deserved it.  I just made them jealous.

Jealousy has the power to destroy.  There is no greater punishment than the primal emotion of jealousy,  for it is the most potent cause of unhappiness.  Jealousy causes negative feelings and misery which corrode your innards like rust to iron.  

When you get jealous you drink poison and wait for the other person to die-  TEE HEEEE!.

Yes, now some people who read this post will remember that I would boast almost like Mohammed Ali , to a selected few “ I float like a butterfly and sting like ze bee”.

I must emphasize here.  A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy at all. People whose jealousy can be kindled are insecure neurotics.

Let me put this in most lucid terms, meant for a layman .

What do you mean by kindling jealousy ?  If you are not good enough you can be burnt very badly . Basically I am a non-conformist who plays better to a hostile crowd.  I love to hit consecutive sixes into hostile raging faces.

Three and a half decades ago, as  young men, we were all standing in line to enter the examination hall at Mumbai MMD, for the First Mate's exam.

One of my long lost friends,  shouted out from behind the long line ( i was in front )--" Ajit , well prepared?"

I shouted back " Hum fail hoyega to kaun pass hoyega, saala "( Buddy, if I fail, who will pass ? )

And this made me very unpopular with the dumbos and the paranoids in line , some of whom who were giving their 3rd and 4th shots.

Now after giving this corny dialogue , If I fail, you can very well imagine my condition, for we all stayed together at the Seamen’s club at Ballard Estate.

Now I am rising above myself, to explain what jealousy is.

When I went to Russia in the Communist days , I noticed that all very happy. All were on a level playing field  -- ( just forget for a while about the Jewish Communist party members , their dachas and their watch dog Jew commisars).

There was no jealousy-as there was nothing to compare?  There was NO keeping up with the Joneses.

But then this is NOT the way god made human beings.  We are all hard wired and soft programmed for jealousy. Communism failed because even a baby girl would take care of her own doll, not the government’s common doll.

The was bound to be resentment when a genius knew that a moron gets the same salary as him.

And the Communist government tried to censor what type of fancy life went on in the Capitalist countries, and failed .   Word leaked in that life is far better in a Capitalist society.  And that people had a choice of what to eat , wear and how to live.

By the way, Communism was run by Jews.  Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Trotsky were all Jews.

The Zionists stole the enormous wealth of the Czar, then they siphoned off the spread out wealth of the common man, as they could NOT own property in a communist state.  In your home even your pillow was owned by the state.

The Russian communist people got news of the unlimited freedom in the rest of the world.   It created jealousy.  Basically it created  “grass is greener o the other side” effect.  If the whole world would be communist. Then there would be no jealousy amongst people, and the communist idea might work out better. 

In the deep countryside of Russia, people didn't know about the capitalist west. All they knew was communism.  And because they didn't know there was something else, they didn't mind it. They loved communism, and even today they vote for the Communist party.  

See what jealousy or lack of it does?  Jealousy doesn’t do anybody any good.  It makes you feel needlessly miserable and insecure.

Jealousy is very clearly seen in infants as young as 6 months old. This is the basis of sibling rivalry. The child knows that his younger brother or sister gets more attention and parental response to crying than him,  and it creates deep rooted resentment and animosity.  

Sometimes the parents spoil it by creating a role model for the rest of the brothers and sisters, and indulging in favoritism. This jealousy lasts till death and it is programmed into the DNA of the child.  Have you noticed how a small baby gets upset when some other child starts playing with her doll or toy?

Jealousy is a raw human emotion created when a person feels insecure about his value to other people.  It consists of negative feelings, revolving around   fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss .  When you compare yourself to others , it will lead to destructive thinking.

That is why you should never buy a flat in a building meant for the super rich and powerful.   You and your wife may not feel it being mature and self confident, but your children will start to compare and this will make them most miserable.  

The other children have flown off the Paris , Switzerland and Aruba for a holiday.  Their parents own Hummers, BMW’s and Mercedes SUVs'.  And here they are watching corny desi programmes on TV and eating bhajia and riding a battered Ambassador car.

Have you noticed how people go on Facebook and feel miserable.  For all and sundry are waxing lyrical of ZE good life.  Nobody complains on Facebook  that she has PMS migraine or that he bled a glass of blood from his piles or their child failed in class or takes hallucinatory drugs .

They have put in rosy pictures of their fancy holidays , how great a party they held with hundreds of cheering well wisher friends , how their child came first in some bullshit event , the expensive diamond ring presented by the husband ( it would be a fake actually ) ,  how loving and smart their pet dog is , their new SUV, their dream promotion at the work place- the drinks are on me -- BLAH BLAH.    

You start comparing and this plays up in your chattering mind.  Everybody in your circle is having a fabulous time but you.  

Jealousy surfaces and they feel frustrated with their own lot. . And believe me , they are comparing themselves with their true friends and relatives— and they are supposed to feel good at their “success” instead of turning green with envy . 

They get depressed , and short changed at being forced by destiny to take in the short end of the stick,  not knowing that everything on Facebook is sugar coated.

When you are constantly comparing yourself to the Joneses, you’ll suffer unintended consequences.

Jealousy does not do you any good . If you feel needlessly unhappy, and are having negative thoughts , and have started dishing out fake smiles , is it worth being on Facebook?.

Facebook is a forum where you give others the power to make you jealous and feel miserable. Unless you are ze guy who holds 3 aces all the while. 

This planet has been converted to a page 3 party place . You will see how a woman so wrapped up in herself , ( who thinks only she is worth it while the rest are not ) , will drag 4 feet of her white gown on the dirty red floor to draw the eyes of the world.  

Above: When trying to wrangle a trophy they tell the world that they want to be the next Mother Teresa, save the children , save the environment --  SNIFF -  BOO HOOOOOO !!!.

Some Western middle aged fat ugly women share on Face Book how many times they made love the previous night, after she put her man on fire with her sexy bikini .   Whether you will fall victim to this bull , and get mired in self pity,  it is up to you ? 

So Face Book is for shared laughter? Oh Yeah? 

Worrying about how you don’t measure up , and how your earning spouse is a loser, robs you of your present happiness.  It leaves you unable to think about how you really want your own life to look.

Friend or no, envy is an overwhelming emotion. When you are jealous you count the other fellow's blessings instead of your own, and lose your peace of mind—rather burn up inside.. It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered. The sure mark of one born with noble qualities, is being born without envy.  

Of the seven deadly sins, only envy aint no fun at all.

Let me digress briefly to “dog eat dog” office politics . It is purely based on jealousy.  Jealousy is,  the worst of all faults as it makes a victim of both parties. It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.

Knowledge of human nature and even style is the corner stone of political education.  Recognize tactics used on you.

Power does not come with position of authority.  Sometimes a slave could be more powerful than the great almighty Caesar .  Having said that be aware that knowledge is power— be respected and valued at all levels .

Be confident. Every power play attacker enjoys seeing fear in the victim. It is a valuable skill to know when to yield. Keep your emotions under a leash even when you are outraged, but don’t allow yourself to be the scapegoat for someone else’s mistakes.

Keep away from vicious smear campaigns. Do not encourage lying and deception. You will be judged by your communication styles—if you are defensive all the time—you give yourself away.

Be aware , stay focused and continue being the team player who will share man of the match awards. To stay focused you need to know the larger picture.  Do not use the larger picture as a convenient exit route.

In a shore office ( unlike a ship ) do not tell anyone anything that can be used against you—don’t let go too much even over a Saturday night beer session with buddies who may be opportunists —don’t even pass on rumors or share negative career experiences.  

Be a friend on matters that do not involve the office and an employee on issues that involve your career prospects. There is no need to prove your friendship at the expense of compromising your values.

The truth is without engaging in some sort of political activity or trying to develop followers , your career will stagnate.  This is why old blunt seadogs , like yours truly, who are not limelight oriented are misfits ashore.

Do favors and help others out. Even asking for help creates bonding ( what a paradox!).

Know your power—unleash it only when necessary at the right time.. Control impulses and rushes of blood.

Gain the trust of those with influence, be genuine here.

There are insecurity driven turds , in every office with the “crippler, undermining ,divide and conquer mindset” who enjoy telling you that you are worthless and unloved.  It gives them temporary happiness and how.  

Sailors who have sailed with me will cry “ Capt Vadakayil was the answer to these turds in the punch bowl . He was proactive and not reactive, with such miserable black hearted knaves “.

Do not allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by con artists who misrepresent their authority.  Use your intelligence and gut feeling here.

Don’t hurt working relation ships—you may need to be a hypocrite here. maintain your sense of humor. There is no hypocrisy at sea. You don’t see each other’s faces after a contract together. You can be yourself.

When negative politics are used by team members or negative energies are channelised for selfish needs, the resulting conflict can corrode the core of the team.  Team efforts are swamped by power struggles.

The jealous co-worker can be easily identified.  He will give you competition which gets obvious.  And he gives himself away when  badmouths you for any mistake you may make, behind your back.

Don’t cry wolf every time there is a common place power struggle. Play only by your own rules or the rules of the company. and don’t get too predictable lest you become a easy target ( aaha now every body knows why Capt Vadakayil keeps a cat as a pet ) .  Timing is everything .

Make sure you want what you get and not vice versa.

Surround your desk which trivia which makes you feel good—no!, you cant bring your pet along!!

Do not expect things beyond your talent.

At the work place productivity soars when everyone is working as one team instead of pointing fingers and trying to outdo each other. There must be an atmosphere of “we’re all in this together.”

Women with a high level of intrasexual competition are more jealous if the rival is a woman who is more attractive and more envious if this rival is more powerful .

Happiness is a victory lap—so solve problems, talk big ( like you know who ), keep the colour in your cheek and the glint in your eye. Be yourself, and have good friends who accept you as you are.

Laughing and crying are signs of relief valve lifting on the overstrung—JUST SMILE

Here is some wisdom--- Champions and heroes who challenge themselves have the knowledge, talent, skill , attitude and determination to easily handle the lifetime ahead of them—it is a piece of cake.

Can you name one country who is burning with jealousy?   Yes, you got it right- Pakistan.  

The wicked envy and hate, it is their way of admiring.  Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn't change the heart of others-- it only changes yours. The jealous are troublesome to others, but a greater torment to themselves.  

Pakistan sees India only though jaundiced eyes. For none of the Muslims in India want to go to Pakistan, and we have more Muslims than them.

The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare. Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires.  For Pakistan jealousy is just a reflection of their own pathetic failures. We Indians know that when Pakistani criticism doesn't make sense, it is surely coming from a different place marked J in upper case.

Insecure Pakistan tries to put happy and prosperous India down to raise themselves up.  They have now downgraded themselves to peeing on India to mark their territory.  Jealousy is an awkward homage which inferiority renders to merit.

The below list is wrong-India is ahead of Japan.

Jealousy is the religion of the mediocre. It comforts them, it soothes their worries, and finally it rots their souls, allowing them to justify their meanness and their greed,  until they believe these to be virtues. The fenced-in dog always barks at the one running free. 

In base minds worth begets envy, in great noble souls, emulation. Wanna check out India’s perspective?  Well, there was no pleasure like being envied on a mass scale from across the border. Heart-stopping envy is the sincerest form of flattery

And in India we had enough of Pakistan’s moral indignation thing.  This is an outlet where  envy or hate can be acted out under the guise of virtue.  We are NOT dumbos out here.

Do you want proof of Pakistani jealousy? 

The Pakistani spy agency ISI employs several trolls on the internet.  

On the TIMES OF INDIA E-newspaper ,  these trolls work overtime, trying to drive a wedge between Indian Hindus, Muslim and Christians.   

These trolls assume various avatars-- they come dime a dozen, as ‘Indian Dalits in India”, “Indian Muslims in india” , “Indian Muslims abroad”,  “Hindus abroad”,  “ Christian foreigners abroad”, “Indian Christians in India” , “Indian christains abroad”  etc.   Hey, how about "Dalits abroad" , thrown in for good measure? 

Their whole day’s job is to abuse India, spew venom and drive communal wedges in the comments column, and click on “Like / Dislike/ Recommend” .  

To these Paki trolls I will say “ Remove your not-so-bright head from that smelly dark place and take us head on !!” 

I suggest Pakistan must be content with with what Allah has given to them by saying Maashallah ( God has willed it )

Enough of petty minded Pakistan !!.

To find out a girl's faults you wish to marry , praise her to her girlfriends. One by one they will reveal all her faults.

He that is jealous is not in love.  Jealousy is bred in doubts.  When those doubts change into certainties, then the passion either ceases or turns absolute madness.  

True love is a unique condition where the happiness of the one you love is essential to your own. Love looks through a telescope and envy, through a microscope.  When jealous behavior goes completely haywire, it can erupt into aggression and possibly turn violent. .

It may be perfectly normal to feel brief pangs of jealously in response to a perceived threat, say if your girl goes to a strip club with a group of friends. Or your wife wears mini skirt and sits with her legs splayed for the benefit of a handsome guy whose eyes are transfixed you know where.

If a husband suspects another man is flirting with his wife, healthy feelings of jealously will  surface. He accepts them as a reminder of how much he cares for his wife and is quick to let them go because this relationship is based on mutual trust.

Jealousy is the result or fear of losing your girl to another.  In romantic relationships, both men and women continue to check out other men and women.  It's biologically driven and it's natural. However,  it does not mean that the person wants to leave the relationship.  It is, for most people, about appreciating the opposite sex human form and not about a roaming eye.  Touching is taboo, but jealousy makes looking also taboo.

On a ship if you have a beer with a buddy daily,  and one fine day you wait for him and see him having a drink with someone else without telling you,  you are bound to feel the pangs of jealousy.

Normal jealousy in a relationship generally stems from a place of love and commitment.  When jealously gets out of control, it becomes injurious to both parties involved. Unhealthy jealousy uses up precious energy and steals quality time .

Self worth comes with self appreciation and love.  People who are truly comfortable and secure with themselves, rarely let jealousy get in the way .

Celebrate the positives in your own life .  No matter what your situation is, youmust  have few things that many people don't have.  You can actively think about the great things that are in your life.  At least you must be healthy.   Sit down and be grateful for your good health at least. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  Only fools live in the past or carry envy to the present.

In Hinduism, envy is a disastrous emotion.  Hinduism maintains that anything which causes the mind to lose balance with itself , leads to misery.  Envy cannot coexist with truth and spiritual wisdom.

One who does not envy but is a compassionate friend to all ... such a devotee is very dear to Me. - Lord Krishna in Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 12, Verse 15. 4000 BC

Grace and peace!

CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

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