For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power, but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.
Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.
Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. - This person must be fired , el pronto!
There are two sides to every argument unless the boss is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shalt not be disappointed.
If you put nonsense into a computer, nothing comes out but nonsense. But this nonsense, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
Nothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome
When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.
When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money, fraud will result.
Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times out of ten.
When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding dogmas that are different from our own.
The Pace of Progress: Society is a mule, not a car . . . If pressed too hard, it will kick and throw off its rider.
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
BEWARE OF THE GUY IN MEDIEVAL ROBES, HOLDING A CURVED STAFF WHO SPEAKS LATIN.
Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good. But if you pile it up in one place, it
stinks like hell.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
The second most powerful phrase in the world is "Watch this!" The most powerful phrase is "Oh yeah? watch this!"
In a crowded elevator the guy who faces the wrong way is feared—and will get more space
Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial "WE"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
All great discoveries are made by mistake. Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
2 topics in women's magazines—why men are such filthy pigs—how to attract a man
Never stick around with guys who go through life , demanding to see the manager
Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt
11th commandment—thou shall not be caught
Work is the curse of the drinking classes
Politicians who complain about the media are like ship captains whom complain about the sea
Always end your pet' name with a vowel—so that when you yell , the name would carry
If the guy has a rear view mirror on his exercise bike, he is paranoid
Sometimes when you give up hope --you feel much better