Friday, May 14, 2010


We live in a world where MATURITY is mistaken for being dour , mean and stiff upper lipped.

It takes a Capt Vadakayil to expose these misanthropes.

An immature man must NEVER keep a dog as a pet--he should keep a cat, who will not hero worship him. ( Mindset: Cat — you are nothing but dust and ashes. Dog — for you the world was created.)

Read on to get a handle of maturity. It is not what the whole world and management school whizkid tell you.

A mature person lives according to the dictates of his own higher intelligence, not by whims and fancies. He does not have one foot in the past and one foot in the present to piss on the present. Right NOW— is the greatest moment of his life.

He knows the difference between what he cannot change and what he can. He knows what is his can never be taken away from him, while what has never been his will never stay with him.

He knows that most people are neither for him nor against him-- they are thinking about themselves and the grind of life. He is aware that no matter what he does, some people aren’t going to love him –

-- a lesson that is at first troubling and then quite relaxing. He knows that there is good and bad in all people and in all things he will think in absolutes, and is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally. Thus the rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.

A mature man does not engage in self-destructive behaviour, or burn up his energy in anxiety. He is not addicted to self pity and resentment. In a mature relationship, there is acceptance— there is no covert attempt to change or straitjacket the other.

He can enjoy the differences. For the foundation or a relationship is unconditional trust , transparency and freedom.

Maturity is the ability to do a job without being supervised. The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even. It is the capacity to endure uncertainty.

It is the ability to laugh at yourself. The ability to think, speak and act within the framework of dignity — MATURITY, IS KNOWING WHEN TO BE IMMATURE AND DERIVE SOME HAPPINESS FOR YOURSELF AND THE OTHERS. ( is the policeman in the picture , immature? )

He can communicate freely and understand the others point of view. He can give unconditional love.

In proactive behavior there is a pause between stimulus and response ( not a knee jerk reaction )— for making a suitable choice of response. This does not mean he is hypocritic politician. He is truthful without being cruel and lives life with compassion.

No one can be a threat to a mature man as he is the fountainhead of his own solutions. A mature man believes in himself and he is not dying or craving for the approval or gratitude of others.

He does not care for success at the cost of his dignity and honour. He will not let criticism or public opinion upset him. When your CONSCIENCE dictates your life, no one else can.

He will say what he wants to— but in an appropriate manner. He will reject what others say— but in a logical manner. He will maintain his self respect— and respect others, who deserve his respect.

A mature man knows that the difference between a loser and a winner is the difference in the readiness to learn and change, and not being bullheaded about it..

He will avoid sarcasm, yelling, emotional outbursts when mistakes occur.

A flexible person is always happier than a rigid one. Flexibility is a sign of life. Rigidity , its absence.

A mature man knows the principles of dynamic risk assessment and can imagine the WCS ( worst case scenario ).

When people talk about you behind your back, it confirms that you are important enough. No one kicks a dead dog.

When you cannot forgive someone you are chained to him by hatred and bitterness. So when you forgive the wrong doer it is a perfectly selfish act.

Mature people have the ability to focus on important things.. They can resign with good grace whatever they are not.. the eye wont insist that it can hear. They will not allow yesterday to use too much of today.

There is no reality — only perception. It is up to you to perceive things the way you want to.

Strike the right balance between effort and resignation .

Be yourself. Get better at listening to your own drummer.



  1. Respected Sir,

    This is very well written article and will act as a blueprint for me in growing up myself.

    Specially following line applies to me in current time, so its a lesson of present for me.

    "He knows that most people are neither for him nor against him-- they are thinking about themselves and the grind of life. He is aware that no matter what he does, some people aren’t going to love him "

    Thank you very much.


    Madhusoodan Shanbhag

  2. Hi Sirji,

    A good post backed by your experience in command.
    Very surprised to find only one comment on this post.
    All your post gathers lots of comments and debate. Wonder why this one didn't manage that.
    Probably people do not understand the need for a logical mature mind.
    In my view, this post of yours must be read first. The knowledge bank scattered over all over your other posts will make sense to people when they read them with a logical and mature mind.

  3. Dear Captain,
    I see that you have been writing lots of comments in TOI site to express your views. There are many users who would ridicule comments without actually reading any of your comments. How do you deal with such situation. Its very common when people challenge status-quo they get challenged immediately and also ridiculed. How does one stay focused and ignore the dis-tractors. Though I chose to ignore somewhere deep it impacts me personally. How do you strike a balance.


    1. hi ij-

      are you the type who gets deeply disturbed --


      if your own pet dog , whom you feed and shelter , barks at you -- you must ponder about it .

      imagine a scenario--

      prince charles is speaking in the british parliament .

      one MP of low upbringing , called him SON OF A WHORE loudly .

      who loses ?

      akkal lagaake dekh !

      who has become pariah ?

      capt ajit vadakayil

  4. "Strike the right balance between effort and resignation."
    Elaborate please.

    1. hi i,

      in my hometown calicut there is a madhouse.

      there are regular exams to grade them.

      the FIRST grade is drwaing water from a well with a bucket full of holes to fill up a drum,

      so of the mad caps keep drawing water throughout the day.

      some stop drawing water --and try to fix the problem by plugging the holes with soft wood spikes


      capt ajit vadakayil

      Working smartly, always in the direction of accomplishing the end goal and moving ahead. Got it.

    3. very astute, sometimes the hardest thing in life is knowing when to keep persevering and when to let go, when to take a step back and when to keep pushing. i dont mind saying that i do not know this often times because it is not always possibly to dispassionately examine my life situations from a third person's perspective so striking the right balance proves to be a challenge.

  5. Respected Captain

    This is a Terrific Terrific article!


  6. For the immature,experience always comes from bad experiences.....while the mature knows how to learn from good as well as bad experiences..regards and worship..pranam captain..happy holi