Thursday, May 6, 2010


Ship Management companies, Ship captains , HRD management pundits and the common man will benefit from this piece.

Placing your ego on the back burner is the first step in realizing one's potential, having a happy family life and living in harmony with society.

It is a wise thing to drop your ego once you get married. What ego calls love is actually possessiveness that can turn into hate within a second. Human love is limited because ego and selfishness is contained in it

Emily Post , the etiquette czarina requires a genteel lady to crook her little finger while holding the tea cup— out of sheer “ consideration for other people ” — what nonsense !

The ego thrives on others and lives on attention . Human ego demands personal recognition and wastes energy in resentment if it does not get enough. The underlying emotion for the ego is fear, the fear of being a nobody.

There is always a sense of insecurity around the ego even if on the outside it appears confident , perfumed and powdered. Ego strengthens itself by diminishing others—the uncultured females who had no clue of how the little finger must be crooked.

Ego is insanity of the human mind. Unhappiness is an ego created mental cum emotional disease. The chatter of the ego continuously disrupts the natural state of well being. Stress is from within the mind , not by external threat. Ego creates suffering without recognising it.

Many people carry large amount of unnecessary baggage, both mental and emotional through out their lives. They hang on to the old emotion to strengthen their identity.

Let me go beyond insignificant Emily Post , to leaders and Managers of Companies.

I can already see lot of my colleagues smiling wryly.

It’s hard to get into the boardrooms and MD offices of some organizations because the egos of the leaders take up way too much space. Only bootlickers and hand kissers are allowed into their inner sanctum. They recruit yes-men instead of capable men.

Their own agenda is always ahead of the business agenda. They would disagree with someone’s point just because the is the one who said it. Their ego makes them take everything personally. They mistake a short memory for a clear conscience and are miserabe within.

They are unable to listen to another person's view without feeling threatened. They leave debris and destruction wherever they go. They are very eager to see their picture or name on the cover of a business periodical .

Their Indifference arises due to ego. Their ego cannot distinguish between a situation and their interpretation and reaction to that situation. Cooperation is alien to ego except when there is a secondary motive. The ego becomes the grit in the system that gets in the way of authentic meaningful communication.

Their self-talk is the mouthpiece of ego, Their inflated, overbearing egos create rules for rules’ sake. They complicate procedures , squash good ideas and keep good people down.

Their ego makes them unwilling to admit that they know zilch about a subject in a meeting—the equivalent of the ear trying to tell what it saw and tasted and smelt, in a bulldozing manner. They brood endlessly on their petty grievances, never held before them any vision that might have lifted them out of themselves. They substitute their thinking capabilities with their loud cynical talking capabilities.

Compulsive liars are driven by egos feelings of insufficiency.. Ego will force them to make life difficult for others—for they feel the need to put people in their place or get into one-upmanship games.

“ If you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” -- Abraham Lincoln.

Such wretched people would give only conditional love to a small child or a kitten.

Enough on these wretched self righteous leaders, infatuated with their own brilliance , self delusions of grandeur and hidden agendas.

Let us move on.

Road rage has become very common these days. The offence will be small but our reaction would be ridiculous—here it is the power of his car’s engine..

Ego tries to enlarge and strengthen by forming gangs and posses. Here the ego has simply shifted from the personal to the collective.

An immature leader douses the spark of creativity, rather than fan it, for the bottom line is always about him.

Your ego can prevent you from being an effective and truly great leader. Ego, popularly conceived as an over-inflated sense of self-importance, is a major stumbling block to effective leadership.

Good leaders surround themselves with talented, outspoken individuals, not yes- men. Leadership is not an ego game!

Ego confuses opinions with facts . Every ego is a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation. Ego likes to judge and be right. You have a problem if you allow your ego to supersede your common sense.

Ego drives us on to greatness, then thrashes us soundly when we let it get out of control. Ego is a demanding unforgiving parasite . To the ego the present moment NOW hardly exists and is always concerned with keeping the past alive. Ego looks at the present with jaundiced eyes of the past.

When people argue they will act as if they are fighting for survival and there is a imminent need to win at all costs. Such is the self delusion caused by ego. The ego thrives on reactivity.

The ego burns up considerable amounts of energy.

People with king sized egos , when they suddenly fall ill suddenly become nice and gentle and humble—for the hospital is a great leveler.. But alas, when they get better energy returns and so does the ego. Every ego is therefore schizophrenic – with split personality.

There is no ego in telling the waiter that there is a cockroach in your cold soup. To be free of ego all you need to do is to be aware of your thoughts and emotions as they happen. Awareness and ego cannot coexist. It is difficult to see one's own ego.

You can be sure you are correct, but then you have no right to take away people’s dignity to prove yourself. Let people see your soft side. This will make you much more endearing. Done properly it will not be perceived as weakness . It will make you more approachable and believable.

Surround yourself with equally capable and strong-willed people. Give them permission to disagree with you , on a regular basis.

There is a fine line between pride and arrogance, that line is called EGO. The danger zone is when you start thinking that your accomplishments earn you the right to be condescending, obnoxious and abusive. Arrogance is having an attitude of superiority, delighting in your own significance and thriving on others feelings of inferiority.

The person with a king sized ego, will understand the whole of the planet,, but he will not understand what his own ego is doing to him. The left brain lobe is the home of his ego. It is the nature of ego to take and that of spirit to give. Since leadership is of spirit, the ego powered men can never be good leaders--they can never rise over the post of a mangy manager. It is the nature of the right brain lobe, to be accepting and free of judgements. Ego makes a donkey think that he is THE champion race horse.

Murderers in the death row have in the last few hours experienced the ego less state and the deep joy and peace that comes along with it.

Even Saddam Hussain agreed to wear the black hood on his head without protest before he was hanged , in front of several people —under normal circumstances he would have spat on the man who suggested it to him.

The PARADOX is that suffering caused by the ego eventually destroys the ego. When ego disappears , bliss enters.



  1. Ajitji,
    How to measure my own level of ego? And of someone else?

    1. hi yogesh,

      if you had understood this post, you would NOT be asking me this question.

      i will write a post on JEALOUSY soon, after reading that, you will understand ego better.

      capt ajit vadakayil

  2. Hello Sir,

    Very thought provoking article. I have noticed during brief periods(lasting few hours) that putting my ego in the back seat makes me realize some immense potential but world will make you look like a loser, which takes me back to the same state I am always in. full of ego and worries. I believe survival instinct predominates our generous thinking after sometime of ego less state. Please correct me if I am wrong. There will be stages where the benefits wean and you will be left to choose food or morals. That is one paradox of life that confuses me till date.

  3. Respected Captain

    During my childhood I was like any other kid, but since my college days I've been receiving excessive adulation for more than a decade and I developed a huge ego because of it.

    Often times I alter from state of full ego to no ego, with time spent on the former state being way too high. I know I'm losing my happiness because of ego, because ego keeps me in "want more and more, and you have to prove a point" state and never lets me get contended.

    What should I do to have less to no ego? More than a decade of adulation and the associated ego I developed have almost made me lose myself totally and I almost don't know who I am now.

    Also, because of the feeling of superiority, I indulged in a lot of immoral things, thinking I will be able to get through anything, but now I'm undergoing the repercussions because of it.

    I know I am good person at heart and I want to stay humble and at the same time be confident as well, and also want to lead a normal life from now on.

    I turned spiritual, started practicing yoga and reading articles on leading a good life. I know I am improving but I still feel I have a very long way to go.

    Please guide me and let me know what all I should do to totally come back to the realities of normal life.


    1. Respected Captain

      I also keep over analyzing everything without taking a decision.


  4. dear sir
    can you please help me with the topic on id and super ego,parent,child and adult ego.I need to explain to my class i want a clear understanding of this sir.please help me.
    thank you

    1. hi as,

      this is all SIGMUND FREUD nonsense -- he was a MAD MAN.

      capt ajit vadakayil

  5. Ajit ji,

    As ego sits in left lobe of brain, where does the 3 gunas sits in the body. To have control one must know the thief and where it resides.

    Please enlighten us

    With great gratitude

  6. Dear Cap'n,

    Being a old reader of your blogs, today I am at the stage where people listen when I talk, my opinions are almost right, my perception about people are stronger & accurate, and thus newly found gift of reading between the lines is very rewarding.

    However, it appears as if it's boosted my ego - I have become more condescending than before & less tolerant to liberal thought & opinions.
    I ask you this - is this ego? Or the surfacing of self confconfidence that was repressed for years (by society, upbringing etc), or simply a false over confidence that is waiting to crash someday?(it is a big fear).

    While I have always been someone who continuously evaluates myself from a 3rd person point of view (while not deviating from my gut feeling), on behalf of many of your readers who might be going through the same, I would like to throw this at you, for your opinion & guidance. Grace, Strength & Cheers!

    1. Thanks Captain. Got my answer from your post today.