PEER PRESSURE , JUMPING INTO THE BANDWAGON - CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

THIRD WAVE RADICALIZATION , TO BE OR NOT TO BE COOL ,  CONFORMIST COWARDS,  CARRYING YOUR OWN LAMP ON YOUR OWN PATH -  CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

Above picture- How cool is that?

Below is what US president Abraham Lincoln wrote to his son's teacher. 

He will have to learn, I know,

That all men are not just, all men are not true. 

But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero

That for every selfish politician there is a dedicated leader 

Teach him for every enemy there is a friend

It will take time, I know

But teach him if you can that a dollar earned is of far more value than five found

Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning

Steer him away from envy if you can

Teach him the secret of quiet laughter 

Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick

Teach him if you can the wonder of books

But also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky

bees in the sun and the flowers on a green hillside

In the school teach him it is far honorable to fail than to cheat

Teach him to have faith in his own ideas even if everyone tells him they are wrong

Teach him to be gentle with gentle people And tough with the tough

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon

Teach him to listen to all men

But teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through

Teach him if you can how to laugh when he is sad

Teach him there is no shame in tears

Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness

Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders but never to put a price-tag on his heart and soul

Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob and to stand and fight if he thinks he’s right

Treat him gently but do not cuddle him

Because only the test of fire makes fine steel 

Let him have the courage to be impatient

Let him have the patience to be brave

Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself

Because only then he will have sublime faith in mankind

This is a big order but see what you can do

He is such a fine fellow

My son!

The two lines highlighted in RED is neglected by all teachers.  This post intends to educate these teachers (and parents too) what it means.

Below video- The wave.

The Third Wave was an experiment to demonstrate that even democratic societies are not immune to the appeal of fascism— only thing is that it was rigged in a US school by Jews .

A lot of people think that this event “the wave” was a real thing.   It was just a Jewish propaganda movie to show that the German people were hypnotized by Adolf Hitler to be servile to him , and that he was NOT a great mass leader at all . 

In such a bad situation ( for the Jews ) it was necessary to carve out the state of Israel, in Palestine right? That the “third wave” psychology involved in the originals Hitler’s youth movement is a sort of evil peer pressure.

Below video : Hitler and German youth.

MIM leader Asadullah Owaisi had made a “third wave radicalization of Muslim youth” call from the safety net of Lok Sabha.   He has NO idea that this movie about school children was a fake and rigged event.  

But it looks like he has done his homework, as pretty soon we have ugly Muslim riots in Mumbai, where they destroyed the Amar Jawan Jyoti memorial which NO desh bhakt will do. 

These are the people ( ex-Razakers ) our waitress turned empress calls secular.

Let us check out the psychology. 

The peer pressure effect is called "the identity shift effect". 

Your internal sate of harmony is  disrupted when faced with the threat of external conflict or social rejection , for failing to conform to a group standard.  

So you conform to the group standard,  but as soon as you do so, eliminating this external conflict, an internal conflict is introduced because you have violated your own standards and conscience.

To rid oneself of this internal conflict ( self-loathing ), an "identity shift" is undertaken, where one adopts the group's standards as one's own,  thereby eliminating internal conflict (in addition to the formerly eliminated external conflict), returning one once again to a state of harmony. How nice!

Even though the peer pressure process begins and ends with one in a state of nil conflict , as a result of conflict and the conflict resolution process, one leaves with a new identity, a new set of internalized standards.

Peer pressure is something we all go through in real life.  

If one man comes on bicyle for donation (chanda) for Durga Puja or some event  people will tell him to FO. But if the same man comes in a SUV with 10 more people , you will give them more that what you wanted to give or even afford to give.

If you have to make a donation for flood relief, you will not donate much.  But if your office says that the donation list will be put up on the canteen notice board, you will make sure that your name is among the top list of donors.  You have become most compassionate all of a sudden.

When you write a letter to an authority, to get something done, it will be ignored.  But if you CC and BCC the letter to several sister departments and to his boss , this letter will NOT be ignored.(There is a special piece about this , at the end of this post )

Today we see so many riots and rallies sponsored by foreign funded main stream media. They just make sure there are plenty of TV video cameras.  

People who have NOT cried when their own parents died , or even taken care of them in their old age,  are now shedding copious tears (for the camera ), for some unknown rape victim or some vague environment issue..

This is why on my ship, if there is a disaster I will NOT allow video cameras.  All have a job to do.  We don’t want mice pretending to be lions.  This is NOT the time to play to the gallery and earn brownie points or medals.

Making decisions on your own is hard enough, but when other people get involved and try to pressurise you one way or another it can be even harder.  People who are your age, like your classmates, are called peers.  

When they try to influence how you act, to get you to do something, it's called peer pressure.  It's something everyone has to deal with — even adults. 

Peers influence your life, even if you don't realize it, just by spending time with you. You learn from them. It's only human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.

Mature people can resist peer pressure and he will NOT burn up from inside due to anxiety or make knee jerk reactions.  A mature person lives according to the dictates of his own higher intelligence, not by whims caused by internal or external pressure. 

He knows the difference between what he cannot change and what he can. He knows that there is good and bad in all people and in all things he will think in absolutes, and is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally. He will not allow anybody , even his best friend to  covertly attempt to straitjacket him..  

A mature man has the capacity to endure uncertainty. He can communicate freely and understand the others point of view. No one can be a threat to him as he is the fountainhead of his own solutions. A mature man believes in himself and he is not dying or craving for the approval or gratitude of others. He will not let criticism or public opinion upset him. He will reject what others say— but in a logical manner. 

He will maintain his self respect— and respect others, who deserve his respect. A mature man knows the principles of dynamic risk assessment and can imagine the WCS ( worst case scenario ). 

When people talk about you behind your back, for swimming upstream, it confirms that you are important enough. Mature people can be themselves . They are good in listening to their own drummers. 

The reason this blog site exists is to make you listen to your own drummer , and NOT that of big brother.

Good parenting involves telling your children the meaning of peer pressure and showing them the ways to resist it.  I have two sons who do NOT get affected by peer pressure. Probably it is in their genes.

People who have sailed with a hard core captain by the name of Capt Ajit Vadakayil, will tell you that he is probably the last on the planet to succumb to peer pressure.

Let me narrate a true incident.

We were doing our revalidation courses for the Master Mariner’s Certificate of Competency. This meant staying at NIPM Chennai for 5 weeks.  There were 78 of us—all ship captains.  

( By the way , NIPM campus is a beautiful place on the sea shore, with swimming pool etc and you feel proud of being a part of it.  During the tsunami the swimming pool got filled with sea water.)

We reached the institution the previous day, and went to the mess for a meal.  I noticed that there were too many flies , as a sewer drain outside was opened up.

So I asked for the Canteen manager. While I did that there were 78 Captains watching me, as well as about 50 officer trainee employees from Mumbai port trust.

The female manager came —she was young , attractive and a divorcee.

I told her “ I will give you 48 hours to get rid of these flies.  I have not come here to get jaundice or typhoid.  All you need to do is to buy two UV fly electro-snappers .  If you don’t do that I will stop eating from this mess. And I also have a few suggestions regarding the food”.

She sat with me for a while and said she will take care of it, and went away.

Immediately the Mumbai port trust party came to me, and said “ Sir, we have been staying here for 2 months , and the food is so bad that we cant eat it.   We have all lost 5 kilos. Complaining has made NIL difference .  But as we can see she is afraid of you”

So I said “ Call her and tell her nicely and she will take care of it .  But you must know that she cannot run a loss making business .  You eat depending on the budget per head, you Mumbai port trust has negotiated ”

The next day I found that the fly smashers were running and there were NO flies on the table.  Rather I could hear the CRACK CRACK sound of the flies getting electrocuted and exploding from the kitchen.

And the suddenly comes the Mumbai port trust party.  They shoved a long scroll of paper in my face and requested me to sign it.  

I found that it was a written complaint, about the poor quality of food already signed by more than 100 souls, which included the sea captains .  Basically it was a daily onslaught of South Indian Sambhar, rasam, rice, idly,  dosa , uppma , all vegetarian stuff , which can get on the nerves of a North Indian .

I said “ I have never encouraged mass signature campaigns on my ship, and hence I will NOT sign it “

My room mate ( my senior and good friend ) had already signed it.

It so transpired that I was the only captain who refused to sign it , along with two Indian Navy ( battle ship ) captains.  The Indian Navy Captains were still in Naval service and signing means they would be court martialled.

So my room mate and friend piled on to me “ Ajit, you are the guy who started it all.  Now all have signed the complaint except you .  Everybody else is talking about you being the black sheep, and some are even saying that the attractive female manager has cast a spell on you ”

And then he refused to talk to me for 24 hours as a mark of protest- to show how much he was hurt by my behavior.

After ten days when the 78 Captains were sitting in the class room, the course head , a senior captain himself came in fuming and he said  “ Captain Ajit , and the two Naval Captains , please carry on . The rest must continue sitting “.

And then behind closed doors he blasted them .

He said  “If you have a problem with food , why have to not told me first ?  Why have you signed a mass signature document, with young Mumbai port trust trainees ,  on the first day itself, a copy of which has gone to the Mumbai Port trust Chairman ( IAS post ) and the ministry of Shipping?  Is this the level of your maturity and professionalism ?  If you want more chicken, fish etc all you got to do is to pay more and this can be discussed and arranged as part of the course fee ”

Needless to say all the 75 Captains apologized and felt like pieces of sh#t.

Later, when they came to the residential quarters I was sitting all alone in the lawn, with the Navy Captains.  

They all grinned and said “Ajit, you are the only smart guy. We just got our balls royally chewed up”.

I replied “ Jumping into the bandwagon, is NOT programmed into my DNA”

There is a subtle difference between “peer pressure” and “jumping into the band wagon”.

Jumping into the band wagon is when you join a growing movement in support of someone or something, in an opportunist way, when that movement is seen to have become successful.

Peer pressure is the outcome of the desire to conform to a group, by acting and doing things as everyone else.  They are forced to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to group norms.

Kids give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, to fit in, or because they worry that other kids may make fun of them if they don't go along with the group.  

If your child finds that his friends are determined to do make him something risky, addictive or mean, he must be programmed to walk away, and NOT to rent space to anyone inside his head.

The idea that "everyone's cutting classes " or “doing drugs” or “making out with a gal” can influence some kids to leave their better judgment, or their common sense, behind. .  Some go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing and having a great time.

It is tough to be the only one who says "no" to peer pressure, but you can do it.  Paying attention to your own values, feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do.  

Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better.  It's great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don't want to do something.

Parents must pay attention to the type of friends their children hang out with.  You've probably had a parent or teacher advise you to "choose your friends wisely." Peer pressure is a big reason why they say this.

Peer pressure can also have positive effects when people are pressured toward positive behavior, such as volunteering for saving the environment , excelling in academics or athletics, by their peers. You might admire a friend who has a good physique and this may encourage you to join a gym to work out.

If you choose friends who don't lie to their parents, then you probably won't do it either.  Try to help a friend who's having trouble resisting peer pressure and he will be your good friend later.

People who are low on confidence and those who tend to follow rather than lead are more likely to seek their peers' approval by giving in to a risky challenge or suggestion. Learn to feel comfortable saying "no." 

With good friends you should never have to offer an explanation or apology. But if you feel you need an excuse for, say, turning down a drink or smoke, think up a few lines you can use casually. You can always say, "No, thanks, I've got a gym competition  and I'm in training,"

A peer is someone in your own age group . Pressure is the feeling that you are being pushed toward making a certain choice—good or bad. Check out the differences between spoken and unspoken pressures. 

If someone is pressuring you to do anything that's not right or good for you, you have the right to resist. You have the right to say no, the right not to give a reason why, and the right to just walk away from a situation.  Being accepted by a stupid motley group should NOT be taken as the litmus test for  self-confidence .

Don’t be peer pressured into being less than you are. People willing to dilute themselves for the sake of others is one of the great tragedies of our time. When you do something it must be out of our clear choice and never because you got vacuumed in due to peer pressure . 

Peer pressure, is the worst form of excuse. If you give into peer pressure, you are a coward.  Never assume that you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.

Sages and hermits have no peer pressure. The stress of resisting unhealthy peer pressure can be buffered by good family relationships and a high self-esteem.  Sucumbing to conformity makes you hate yourself and lose peace with yourself.  

Our society is such that the people who walk on the beaten track throw stones at someone who is showing a new better road.  Thinking is a difficult thing.  The conventional view serves to protect people from the painful job of thinking

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.  Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you're locked up.  If you don't control your mind, someone else will. The surest way to corrupt a child is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. Just because something is tradition doesn't make it right.

Children who follow useless fashions like having a ring on the eyebrow have succumbed to peer pressure.They did NOT have the strength of character to resist this ugly fashion. 70 percent of teens who smoke have friends who smoke or started smoking because of peer pressure.

Consider yourself a leader, and know that you have the potential to make a difference. Only dead fish swim with the stream, upside down.

Now about the YELLOW HIGH LIGHTED ITEM.

I have a nice incident to tell about CC and BCC of official letters.

29 years ago, I was the Captain of a huge tanker with a helipad at Bombay High.  This ship was Swedish made and my huge apartment had 5 rooms and 5 telephones, with a huge swimming pool sauna and a hobby room just outside and my wife loved it there..

We has extra accommodation like a hotel for any ONGC officers staying overnight. This accommodation was better than any 5 star hotel. The next morning  they would be ferried by helicopter ashore.

So I had my Chief Officer knocking on the door with a grim looking man in Safari suit.  Chief Officer said that the man has a complaint letter which he would give to the Captain directly, and he would NOT show him the contents. 

And then he whispered into my ear that half an hour ago someone had accidentally triggered off the fire alarm from the wheelhouse ( restricted entry ) , and it was this man. We were discharging cargo into a smaller tanker , which would take it to Chennai for discharge.

So I had a look at the letter.

It started off by a self introduction that he is one of the top fu#kin' cats of ONGC.

Then the latter went to a complaint mode, 8 items in all —that he was ignored—that in the dining room he was not allowed to sit on the captain’s table—that when he arrived on board there was nobody to receive him—that in his cabin the lights do not work BLAH BLAH.

This letter was CC and BCC to about 10 people —the head of ONGC, the head of Indian Oil Corporation, to the MD of my shipping company etc .

So I said “ The biggest problem is that the lights in your cabin does NOT work. Lead me to your room”

His cabin was dark and I put the lights on. All of them worked.

So he says “ Sir, I did not see the switch “ .  These were beautiful sunken switches meant for 7 star hotels.  

And I could see that he had got off his high horse pedestal by calling me Sir, instead of Captain this and Captain that.

I crossed the item with my pen and said “ Now let the solve your other 7 complaints.  I can kick your ass and send you away, for you are the c^nt who triggered off the fire alarm from a restricted area , causing me to suspend cargo work,  but let me be kind to you”.

By now this cocky man was perspiring heavily.  He says “ Sir, I pressed it by mistake”.

I said “ Even a 4 year old child will NOT do that , follow me to my cabin”.

In my cabin I asked him “ Here it says you were NOT received when you came on board”. It was impossible, as he came by crane and basket.

He says “ Yes, when the Captain of the daughter vessel came on board yesterday with his wife,  there were 10 people to receive him, including your Chief Officer and Duty officer.  I am a top ranking officer and only 2 people were there “

So I took him around on a conducted tour of my cabin.  See this bar stocked with the best liquor and wines—you don’t deserve that. See this nice garden – you don’t deserve that BLAH BLAH, and then I tore his letter and threw it on his face. 

I said “ Do your worst.  If I see you outside you cabin you are screwed.  For tomorrow’s breakfast before you leave my ship , I shall make sure that you are seated in the CENTROID of the mess room.  I don’t want a c^nt like you on my table.  And if I don’t see you sitting on the special table at the centroid of the mess, I will be telling your MD ( ONGC ) about the fire alarm, which caused a cargo work delay.

I knew the MD of ONGC and he was my personal friend , as he had enjoyed my hospitality thrice before on previous ships when he came on fact finding missions.

Poor guy, was sitting at the special DUNCE table  in the middle of the room, with my 18 officer cadets smirking at him- and a steward with a huge false moustache serving him , like how you would serve the British Queen..

Just to show that sometimes things can go badly out of script –and you can be called a C^NT , threatened to be kicked on the back side , and you can do nothing about it.

Grace and peace!

CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

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