Wednesday, September 21, 2011

PARROT JOKES -- CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL



Old legendary pirates kept parrots as pets. In addition to being early warning radars, they provided them amusement too.

I know of a Jack fruit ( Chakka trader ) shopkeeper who trained his parrot to say in Malalayam " Dont give the good jackfruit, give him the bad one kept in that corner".  He did roaring business, as customers found this hilarious.


Let me put down some spicy parrot jokes.  enjoy!



MONICA:

Monica Lewisnky had a parrot whose previous owner was a whore in a brothel. The parrot would give running commentary , as soon as the act on bed started .

Being intelligent the conscious parrot gave unique punch lines , appropriate to the scenario. Examples-

HERE COMES THE GUN OF NAVARONE--
WALL IS DOWN, PINK FLOYD IS NOW PEEPIN' OUT--
SECURITY BREACH NOW, AT LOS PANTALONES--
THIS SOLDIER AIN'T UNKNOWN AT ALL --
POPEYE GETTING SOME SHORE LEAVE NOW --
OUR NEXT GUEST NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION--
PAGING MR JOHNSON, PAGING MR JOHNSON--

Bill Clinton had heard about this parrot and asked Monica to bring the parrot to the White house . As soon as Bill unzips, Hillary walks into Oval office unannounced.

Bill zips up immediately and pretends to work, while Monica ducks deep under the presidential desk .

The parrot hung at the corner now screams her head off " FLY SHIFTED BACK FROM MONICA TO HILLARY MODE , JUST NOW !"



SITTING ON A SUITCASE:

A couple was about to leave for their honeymoon.

The woman wants to take her parrot along. The man was not so keen as the parrot was raised in a brothel.

However the woman has her way , when she promised that the cage would be covered with a black cloth all the time.

They check into a hotel at a distant holiday resort. They get into bed.

Soon the woman remembers that in the heat of their argument, she had forgotten to lock the front door, and the key was still on the door, in a bad neighbourhood.

So they decide to rush back. They pack up the suitcase, but the lid wont shut as they had done some shopping in town.

So the man said " Let me sit on it " and sat on the suitcase cover, but it was not possible to lock the suitcase.

Then woman said " You get up, let me sit on it!". The suitcase still would not shut.

So the man said " Shift a little , let us both sit on it!".

Immediately the parrot jumps up and down in the cage , screams her head off from behind the black cloth " THIS I WANNA SEE--THIS I WANNA SEE-- !"


SEX EDUCATION CLASS :

A 13 year old girl takes her pet parrot to school. She has exams and as soon as the test was over she planned to visit her grandparents, direct from school.

The exams were a ploy, instead a sex education class started. The teacher went on and on about the birds and the bees--

After some time the parrot screams from inside the school bag " ALL THOSE WHO KNOW FUCKIN' --CAN THEY GO HOME ?"



CAPTAIN'S PARROT:

A magician was working on a luxury cruise ship in the Caribbean.



The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did his tricks.

So she would upset the show by revealing the secrets --
"Look, it ain't the same hat"
"Look, he is hiding the balls under the table"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Hearts ?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot, and his job was well paying.

One day the ship had a collision and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, for sole company. They eyeballed each other for a while , and then decided to ignore each other.

This went on for a day and then another and another.

After a week the parrot screams  : "OK, I give up. WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' SHIP?"

CHRISTMAS CAROL PARROT:





A woman went to a pet shop , and saw an expensive parrot. The pet shop owner explained that the strings attached to it's legs were to signal it to sing.

He pulled on the left string, and the parrot sang a melodious "Jingle Bells".

He pulled on the right string, and the parrot sang a soulful " Silent nights".

Then woman asked "What if you pulled both strings at once?"

The parrot screams " I WILL FALL ON MY FUCKIN' FACE , YOUR BITCH!"

    


BOSS MAN:
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.



The shop owner points to 3 identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs a thousand dollars".

"Why does that one cost so much?" asked the shopper.

The owner says "Well the parrot is computer savvy"

The man then asks about the next parrot and was told that this one costs two thousand dollars , because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows the UNIX operating system.


The curious man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs one million dollars.



Startled , the man asks " Holy shit- what can it do?"
The owner replies " Honesty I have never seen it do a dang thing , but the other two refer to her as BOSS!"
  


   
  
NEW PET:
A woman went to a pet shop and saw a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

 


"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I must warn you that this bird used to live in a brothel and sometimes it utters some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought over it , but decided she had to buy the bird anyway.



She took her home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's really not so bad."

When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new gals."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband 'John' came home from work.

The bird looked at him and hollers,   "Hi, John!"


CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL
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1 comment:

  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74mhQyuyELQ&feature=player_embedded
    watch this video, hope u would like it
    Tapan

    ReplyDelete