ADAM VS EVE, BATTLE OF THE SEXES -- CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

The video above " Never trust a woman " --for she will kick you where it hurts most, when you least expect it.

What makes a male happy may not be the same for a female, whom god has wired in a different mysterious way.

Striyas charitram purushasya bhagyam , Devo na jaanati-- krito manushyaha !

( translated from Sanskrit 7000 year old saying-- the character of a woman, and the luck of a man , even gods dont know-- leave alone man !"

If you want to keep your city bread --nay-- bred wife happy read on.

She wants unconditional love from you, so don’t try to relate to her abilities in the kitchen or in bed. She wants you in her moment of need , not the next hour.

Women are not goal oriented, rather they are relationship oriented. ( better have a good relationship with your female boss.) She will talk to you about problems to get close or to unwind. It is not that she wants a solution from you.. She wants you to show understanding, care, and respect, Don’t argue with her feelings.

You breach trust when you intimidate her , the relationship is now irreversibly weakened—like milk which has curdled.

On returning home from office or from away-- find her first, and listen to what she has to say. Validate her feelings if she is upset. When going out on your own or away ask her if she wants anything. Compliment her cooking—all her dishes cant be horrible.

Women love to dress up , put mascara and lipstick and go out for an occasion—create occasions for that. Or buy her a surprise saree. Once her saree and earrings has seen by all at a wedding function, she will refuse to wear it again. ( ellarum kandu puzhuthu poyi! )

Take a picture of her on special occasions to show that you care. Don’t ignore here in public, especially if she is the mod type.

And if she has carried the heaviest bag to the car after a shopping spree with a sullen face — be careful.

If you are a woman and reading this piece—then you must know what keeps your husband happy.

Men look for success to make them worthy of female love. Relax and cooperate with the differences instead of trying to change them, especially in bed. Your nagging might be the repetition of unpalatable truths, but man hates nagging, especially after a hard day.

Men unwind by forgetting problems.. Not to be wanted by his woman is slow death for a man. When a man is insecure –his auto response is to say “I don’t care”. Don’t read too much into this.

It is usual for men to stop communicating and go into a deep sulk , when he is upset. Only women nag when upset-- just to get centred, men don’t do that, nor they can take that. ( Pssst! What is nagging—just the repetition of unpalatable truths! Ok?) -

Macho man hates to be pitied. When he screws it up , if you say—“ it was not your fault”, he will love you for the support and acceptance as he is —this is not the time to go into a high pitched, high octave truth finding exercise.

Men blow hot and blow cold , swings between loving intimacy and autonomy( not indifference ) . Men want space, give him that. Man can get angry ( actually upset ) if he has no dang idea what to do next—it need not be finger pointing at you.

If a woman wants something she must ask him—say for a sari—man will assume that he is giving her enough and more . Give man the freedom to say NO—it does not mean he means NO and will not say YES as a matter of free manly choice.

When your husband is upset lie low, till the hurricane passes.

--and by the way – here is one in the eye for women's lib movement . Ever seen an animal or a bird or a mammal ( insects please excuse ) where the female gender is more beautiful, stronger or intelligent than the male gender?

Why is a master chef or a master tailor--always a man-- pray ? prithee !?

LET ME END WITH SOME JOKES --

Friends of women: A wife was not at home for a whole night The very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight.

The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Friends of men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. The next morning, he tells his wife that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight.

The wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.

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"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local in London , the Kings Head, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in mE favourite pub Micks, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid. All on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not mEself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to mE sister quite a few times."

Viva la difference!

Women still want to be the first to be rescued from sinking ships.

When the President of world women's liberation organisation got a flat car tyre after a conference. she waited nervousy ( hiding her badge ) till a kind man changed her car tyre.

On the other hand , if a wife wears the pants and shirt of her husband --no problem. But if the husband wears his wife's saree or salwar, god save him from society!

A sexual affair , which does not come under the category of rape, can never be 49:51 as women pretend to.  It is always 50:50.

Why is it that all hate mother-in-laws?  Father -in-laws are loved and respected !!

Bottom lines: Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the fuckin' enemy. - Henry Kissinger.

Two of the hottest topics in women's magazines— why men are such filthy pigs AND how to attract a man!

I am sure no sane Indian woman wants " maker of self statues " or " bong express" as the Prime minister of India.

Mahabharata war was started by a vain Draupadi , who ridiculed Duryodhana , when he slipped and fell into the water pool. First she ridiculed him because he was circumspect with all highly polished and reflective floorings looking like water pools.

Ramayana war was started by Sita, who refused to go back with Hanuman, and wanted Rama to fight Ravana and win the war, and then take her back.

We in India love to say that our women are Sati savitris. Take this from a sailor of 4 decades. God has made all women the same. Indian women are afraid of social stigma. Otherwise they are as bold and daring as the women of the west.

And if you ask any woman , what type of man she wants. She will give bull about sense of humor, character, sensitivity, well read, well travelled, tall- dark-handsome -- blah blah-- all of them want only one type of man in their darkest dreams --( they will never ever admit this ) --  THE original caveman-- who is virile enough to impale her and lift her off the ground using sheer PP .

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats". She expects it.

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job". --and he does NOT expect it.

Now let me say something that even women will agree - " female bosses in a male-dominated environment will invariably wreck other women's promotion hopes, especially if she is better lookin' than her".

-- any woman dares to disagree? suggest you don't-- coz-- this has been researched in almost all the western countries. Even women prefer men customs officers at the airport RED channel.

Here is a bad joke to make all women hoppin' mad at me -- ( just for kicks ! i hope my wife does not read all this, for she will surely kick mE ass-- )

A man will help a woman undress here multilayered tedious clothing before sex. However after sex, she always dresses on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you , once you're screwed.

--and here is one for the alleyway—

This Famous German wrestling champion perfected what he called the "Pretzel Hold".

This hold was famous for incapacitating anyone he would apply the hold to. A huge match against the American Wrestling Champion was scheduled to begin shortly, and as the American and his coach were preparing, the American's coach set him down to talk.

"Bill," he said, "whatever you do, don't let Swiensteiger throw that awful pretzel hold on you, you might not survive it."

"Sure thing, Coach" the American replied.

The match began and as soon as the bell sounded, the German ran accross the ring and immediatly threw the American into the dreaded pretzel hold!

The American Coach was frantic! He ran around the ring and finnaly found a towel to throw in to stop the match, when to his amazement, the American was up and wrestling again!

The match went on and the American was victorious.

Afterwards, the coach had to ask "Bill, how in the hell did you get out of that pretzel hold, nobody has ever gotten out of that hold!"

Bill replies "Well coach, when I was all tangled up with that German, I saw this pair of balls hanging in front of mE face, so I just bit down on them with all mE might and you know,

--It's amazing how fast you can move when you bite your own balls!”

well women can console themselves--this would never happen to them , right?

so agreed-- woman is one up above man, at the last count!!

TEE HEEE--

CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL